Blackmail, Jack Russels and a Fondue Fork
by Hello Kathryne
Summary: Triple phrase title! EVOLUTION!  Wanda plus Blackmail equals Ralphobe. Kind of. Rated for slight language?
1. She hung up on him

Blackmail.

Years of friendship accumulated lots of it.

And that, my friends, is how Ralphie Tenelli was in his current position.

It wasn't anything big. Just Wanda, deciding to act on a long time irk in her system. She decided, since, well, hey. Phoebe didn't have a boyfriend, you didn't currently have a girlfriend, you should date to tie up loose ends. When a cry of shock, slight outrage and confused babble sputtered from his mouth, she held up what many boys fear.

Baby pictures. Barebutt ones she had swiped from his photo albums.

Wanda was on the yearbook committee. Better do what she says.

Moving on. His current position, at the prompting of Wanda. (More like prodding, "God damnit, Wanda, if you don't put down that fordue fork right now, I will strangle you.") He dialed the Terese phone number, something he had to look up as he didn't have it engraved in his memory like the guys, or Wanda's.

"Hello? Terese Residence, I'm sorry, but my dad isn't home right now, may I take a message?" The voice at the other end was quiet. They didn't have caller ID, apparently she wasn't called much.

"Er. Hey, Phoebe." He said, it was kind of awkward. Wanda couldn't stop grinning behind him.

"Oh, uhm, hi! Ralphie, right? Oh, shoot." There was a pause, "My phone's dying, let me grab the one with the cor-- ahh!" He could hear the phone drop, and a thud. Wanda could even hear it, she stifled a laugh and poked him with the fork. "Gah! Sorry, sorry. My dog tripped me. One minute." Another phone line picked up, and he could hear the distinct click of another being hung up.

"Okay, I'm back. Sorry about th-- Sadie! Get off me!" Sadie, of course, was the name of the hyperactive jack russel terrier Phoebe had picked up from the shelter. There was a yelp in the background, probably the dog being pushed off and hitting the ground. Once he heard the stream of apologies ("Sadie! I'msorrysorrysorrysorrysorry...") he knew that was true.

"Ah, I'm really sorry Ralphie, but I got to go! I think my dog might not come out from behind the couch now. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" Click. Buzzzzzzzz.

Phoebe Terese had just hung up on him. He hadn't got a word in edgewise.

"Way to go, stud." Wanda said, poking him once in the shoulder.

Ralphie shot her a glare and snatched the fork away.

----------------

Yes. Jumped on the Ralphobe bandwagon. '

Might make this into a two part, but who knows?


	2. Way to Go, Tenelli!

Phoebe really did feel bad about hanging up on him.

Honestly she did. It's just that Sadie had burrowed behind the ten ton couch, to a place even long limbed Phoebe could not reach. So, crouched with a bag of dog treats shaped like t-bones, she tossed little treats to the dog until it came close enough for her to drag out.

She had contemplated calling him back, before realizing she had never, in all their years of friendship, written down his phone number. God knows what Wanda would have done if she had called to ask her what it was. (Her mind was filled with laughter and light taunting. "Why. Do you liiiike him?!" Shudder.)

So, after putting Sadie on the dog bed, checking if she locked the door, and finishing her Algebra II homework, she went to bed.

She had a weird dream about Wanda poking her with a pitchfork and cackling. Strange.

In the morning, she showered, combed her hair dry, dressed. Ate and went over her science notes. Then she left. Walked the quarter mile to Walkerville High, and attempted to scope out Ralphie, to see what he had wanted the night before.

Because honestly, she did feel bad about that.

Finally she found him surrounded by the footballers, in a crowd of roughly twenty. Intimidated, to say the least, she decided she'd catch him in science.

Later, in science, she caught up with him.

"Hey, Ralphie," she said, smiling with a little wave. "Why did you call last night?"

"Oh." He racked his brain for an excuse. 'Wanda made me' sounded odd and cruel. "I needed the science notes, but I ended up just calling Wanda. She had most of them from her class."

"...But isn't Wanda in Life Sciences? This is Chemistry."

... Shit.

"Shit. Guess I'm screwed, then."

Way to go, Tenelli!

"You can look over mine now, if you want." She offered, pulling them from her bag, three sheets stapled together.

"... Er. It's okay." Shitshitshit. You just dug yourself into a hole.

"Okay." She put them back into her bag and turned in her seat.

Ralphie had the sudden urge to strangle Wanda.

AN: Ridiculous and rambling and horrid.

Fun!


End file.
